Customer Files: The Flirt

Occasionally we get women in the shop who honestly have no computer problems whatsoever. They come in to ask a stupid question about something ("Are gigabytes bad for your computer?") while wearing revealing clothing. If I'm the one on duty, they see me and walk out the door. They'll walk past several times, waiting for either G or R to go on duty so that they can flirt with one of them.

It usually doesn't bug me. I mean, I'm not exactly the kind of person a girl would want to look at all day (I'm a rather disheveled female tech support worker), and I certainly can't begrudge someone from wanting to find Mr. Right. What I do wish they would do is wait until we're closed.

Today it did upset me a bit, but not for the reasons that it normally would. A local private school is getting ready to take the state exams and of course, didn't look into their computer problems until now, a few days before the exams start. Which means that they showed up yesterday morning with 340 computers in a U-Haul and wanted us to check them to make sure they'd work. Because of this, all other jobs have to be pushed back, and believe me, there's nothing scarier than an angry house-wife who wants her netbook de-virused NOW, or the frazzled older man who needs to use his BlackBerry for work, and it's not turning on. It's an enormous pain already, and when you add Miss Flirt into the mix, it complicates things a lot more than it needs to be done. Today, all three of us were in the back room trying to switch out dead hard drives on these computers. It looked like an electronics store exploded in there. This woman wearing the tightest jeans I'd ever seen and a very tight top came into the shop and asked to see G. So we sent him out. Apparently she was trying to flirt with him to get her laptop fixed faster and at a discount, even though it was quite obvious that we were up to our asses in broken computers. When G told her it would be Friday at the earliest, she flew off the handle and called him a faggot, just because he wouldn't respond to her hitting on him.

The moral of this story is: People, please. If you have a computer problem we'll be happy to help, but you need to understand that we have other customers than just you. Oh, and flirting with us won't work either. I have no interest in a relationship, R is married, and G is practically wedded to his Xbox so there's no point. It's not gonna work, and I'll laugh at you for trying. Because seeing you foolish humans so flustered and desperate is quite entertaining, to be honest.

How To Traumatize Your (Straight Male) Coworkers

1.Find computer with several gigabytes of yaoi on it.
2.Tell coworker, “hey, I've never seen a virus like this one before- have you?”
3.????
4.PROFIT!

Oh my god, I don't think I've ever laughed that much in my life. I guess I should start from the beginning. Today a college girl came in and asked me to de-virus her computer, but she was very insistent that I be the one to do it. She didn't want G to touch it at all. I thought maybe she had embarrassing images of herself that she had taken for a boyfriend or something, so I agreed and told her to pick it up in an hour and a half. She left, and I got to work.

While I was scanning for viruses, I found her, uh, “special time collection.”For those of you who don't know what yaoi is, it's basically pornographic drawings/animations of gay males. Now I've seen a lot of it in my life (you see a lot of crazy stuff in my line of work), and I've become inured to this type of stuff. Seriously, you just stop caring after a while, and it becomes more of, “Oh, another sick fuck with horse porn on his PC... well, better switch out the network card.” But today, I was in a particularly lulzy mood and can stomach yaoi pretty easily (some of it is quite well drawn), so I decided to torture G.

Z: Hey, G, this is a really weird virus. I've never seen anything like it.
G: Are you sure it's a virus?
Z: Pretty sure. Can you take a look?
*G comes over to see what I was talking about and gets an eyeful*
G: ZETSUBOU, YOU BITCH!
Z: *laughs hysterically*
G: You bitch! You're horrible! How do you sleep at night, knowing you're more corrupted than a bad batch file? (Yes, he seriously said this. He likes to make bad computer references)
Z: *laughs even harder*

At this point, R came back from his lunch break and saw what was going on. It was probably a bit bizarre to be honest- at this point I was practically falling out of the chair from laughing so hard, and G's face had started to look a bit like a tomato from embarrassment. So he decides to check it out too, resulting in more lulz.

R: Zetsubou, what the hell is going on? Are you alright?
Z: Ahahahahahahaha... computer...virus.... WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
R: Computer virus? Since when do you think computer viruses are funny?
Z: hehehe, take a look and see! It's really great!
G: For god's sake R, don't do it!
R: *ignores G and looks at the screen* You're terrible, Zetsubou.

He just shook his head and walked away, resulting in me laughing even harder. Eventually we got the viruses off.
...I'm a terrible person. And I love it!

to G and R- love you guys, and sorry. Oh well, you'll get over it, and I'll send you guys some extra-strength brain bleach (read: vodka) on Saturday.

Blind Rage

There are very few things that piss me off more than people making fun of the disabled. They can't help their situation, and people who don't get that and think that it is acceptable to launch personal attacks on them make me physically ill. Don't do it in my presence, if you're smart.

There is a very sweet teenage girl who comes to the store sometimes. She happens to have Down's syndrome. Everybody around here likes her, since she's just a very pleasant person. Well, today, we heard a bit of a commotion outside, and R and I went to check it out. At first, we thought it was just your typical scuffle between a boyfriend and girlfriend. And then we realized what was going on.

Two disgusting little lowlifes who I hesitate to even call human were picking on this girl. She obviously didn't know what was going on, and these two "boys" (and I use that term loosely- cockroaches would be more appropriate) were following her around, throwing little pebbles at her, calling her names, and just generally being disgraces to the human race. As soon as the two of us realized what was going on, R ran inside to tell G and the boss, and to call the police, while I went outside to break it up before anything escalated.

Let me tell you- these troglodytes weren't pleased that their "fun" had been interrupted, and turned on me. Big mistake. I grew up in a "if they attack you, attack back" society. Before I could do any real damage, though, G came charging out there and started swearing at them, and the boss called the police. The boys ran off, we made sure our customer was OK. The police took her home, and we went back to work.

Those sub-humans probably won't be coming back around this way anytime soon, though.

Angry Customer #2423121

Today was a strange day all around. From 12:30 to 1:15 PM, we close the store down so that we can all get something to eat. Usually we just put the sign on the door that says "Sorry, we're closed! Come back at 1:15!" and that's that. Since someone is always in the shop, we rarely lock the door down.

During that 45-minute period, we like to goof off. Today, G brought in his iPod and set it up on one of the docks. We were having a bit of fun in the back room, dancing around to a silly Japanese song that literally is about an egg omelet. It's all in good fun, just something to pass some time when we're done snarfing our takeout.

Well, today, that wasn't gonna fly. All of a sudden, someone starts dinging the bell quite obnoxiously. R went out to tell the customer that we were closed right now, but if it was emergency we'd be happy to help. The woman just snarled at him that she was going to tell the boss about our lack of professionalism. Well, lady, first off, the boss knows what we do. He doesn't give a flying foot what we do during our lunch breaks. You can feel free to complain to him, but he's not going to do anything. Second, you shouldn't have been in the store in the first place. Maybe you can't read English with your teeny little brain, but the sign clearly said that we were closed. Partially the fault lies with us for not bothering to lock the door, but still, the sign was perfectly clear: tech support is closed. Come back later.

So G and I were just lurking in the back listen to that woman complain. Yes, because having a short break is absolutely horrible. *rolls eyes*