Update, finally

It's been crazy recently. The air conditioning broke at work, and it's been 107 degrees most every day, so the boss let us all go with paid leave until the AC got turned back on. I'm actually getting ready to leave this job, because I have been offered a very well-paying job in a different city. I'm going to miss my friends here, and I do feel very bad because my boss has been so kind to me, but I told them all about it and they told me to go for it. I'm still going to come back and visit, because I'm going to miss them a lot. I don't make friends easily, so I'm rather worried about moving and having to get used to living in another city.

Also, G's friend got married recently, and I got dragged along to keep his friend's mother from asking where his girlfriend was (G doesn't have a girlfriend, nor does he want one. He likes living alone, and doesn't want to share his stuff). I will say this: weddings are interminably boring. Well, not every wedding. This one, however, went on for almost two hours since the stupid preacher WOULD NOT SHUT UP. Seriously, he rambled on and on for what seemed like a million years about what god expects in a marriage. It didn't help that the ceremony was outside at night. It was 95 degrees, and the mosquitoes decided that everyone in attendance was a giant buffet. I got covered with mosquito bites. It didn't help that the bride (G's friend was the groom) was a total bridezilla and pitched a fit when someone suggested moving the reception inside because of the bugs. Oh, and the preacher nearly ran G, G's mother, G's friend's mother, another friend of G's, and myself over in his Mercedes. Idiot. I know it was dark, but it's a little hard to miss SIX PEOPLE standing TO THE SIDE OF THE ROAD. Oh well, whatever. I think he was pissed because G's friend's mother made some rather snarky comments about his interminable sermon in earshot of him. Still, that's no reason to try to end us all.

Anyway, I'm having to inventory all of my crap before I move. Whee.

New Blog

Do you have computer questions? Feel free to go check out Instant Help Desk. It's my hope that my new site might able to help some people with some simple computer questions.

Overworked and Underpaid

The past week has been miserable, and the fact that it's been just me and G at work has nothing to do with it. R's wife was in a car crash last Saturday, and while she thankfully wasn't hurt very badly, she did break her wrist and her leg, and as such hasn't been able to take care of their daughter or go to work, so R has been staying home to help his wife with some of the household stuff. Unfortunately, H (R's wife) can't do her job with the postal service, and that could affect their income substantially. Our jobs pay pretty well (enough to support a family of four), but R's daughter has extra medical expenses, and with H's emergency room trip they'll be getting a rather large hospital bill here soon. Losing H's income could prove to be rather bad.

And with the way prices of everything are rising, if you're married and the both of you do not work (unless you have a legit reason like poor health or a young child), then you're really just shooting yourself in the foot. This isn't 1700s England where the aristocracy could just loaf about all day and never do anything. We've gotta work, people! This is the 21st century!

Ah, that's enough ranting about work for now, well, work as in who should work. Basically twenty minutes after R called in on Monday saying that he couldn't come, all hell broke loose. A local private school that utilizes us so that they don't have to pay a full-time tech support staff is starting their state exams next week, and last week they showed up with a U-Haul full of computers with problems. We've been working overtime trying to get them working again before Friday, and while we're down to about 25 left, it's been hell. Because R is not working this week, that means that G and I have had to do everything, and some of the computers have screen issues. While I know a little bit about LCD screens, R is the real expert on them, and G is actually terrified of them (I can't blame him though, poor bastard electrocuted himself the last time he tried to work with one). So this entire week I've been showing up for work at 6:00 AM and clocking out around 9:00 PM. I haven't eaten anything that's not frozen dinners or drive-through takeout in days. Not that I cook, really, but it's nice to have enough time to get a decent meal rather than McDonald's or frozen taquitos once in a while.

I wish I could get some extra money, but I guess not.

Customer Files: The Flirt

Occasionally we get women in the shop who honestly have no computer problems whatsoever. They come in to ask a stupid question about something ("Are gigabytes bad for your computer?") while wearing revealing clothing. If I'm the one on duty, they see me and walk out the door. They'll walk past several times, waiting for either G or R to go on duty so that they can flirt with one of them.

It usually doesn't bug me. I mean, I'm not exactly the kind of person a girl would want to look at all day (I'm a rather disheveled female tech support worker), and I certainly can't begrudge someone from wanting to find Mr. Right. What I do wish they would do is wait until we're closed.

Today it did upset me a bit, but not for the reasons that it normally would. A local private school is getting ready to take the state exams and of course, didn't look into their computer problems until now, a few days before the exams start. Which means that they showed up yesterday morning with 340 computers in a U-Haul and wanted us to check them to make sure they'd work. Because of this, all other jobs have to be pushed back, and believe me, there's nothing scarier than an angry house-wife who wants her netbook de-virused NOW, or the frazzled older man who needs to use his BlackBerry for work, and it's not turning on. It's an enormous pain already, and when you add Miss Flirt into the mix, it complicates things a lot more than it needs to be done. Today, all three of us were in the back room trying to switch out dead hard drives on these computers. It looked like an electronics store exploded in there. This woman wearing the tightest jeans I'd ever seen and a very tight top came into the shop and asked to see G. So we sent him out. Apparently she was trying to flirt with him to get her laptop fixed faster and at a discount, even though it was quite obvious that we were up to our asses in broken computers. When G told her it would be Friday at the earliest, she flew off the handle and called him a faggot, just because he wouldn't respond to her hitting on him.

The moral of this story is: People, please. If you have a computer problem we'll be happy to help, but you need to understand that we have other customers than just you. Oh, and flirting with us won't work either. I have no interest in a relationship, R is married, and G is practically wedded to his Xbox so there's no point. It's not gonna work, and I'll laugh at you for trying. Because seeing you foolish humans so flustered and desperate is quite entertaining, to be honest.

I LOVE YOU, G!!!!!!

My coworker G is the best person ever. Today I walked into work and there was a package on my desk. Which is nothing unusual, we occasionally give each other stupid presents. The last time I got a package like that it was a box of yuri manga, as payback for my "computer virus" stunt. I promptly chucked it at R's head, since he was the one behind it. So I was expecting something stupid, like more manga I didn't want, or panties with HTML code on them again (I'm looking at you, G, and D, even though you don't work here- it was still your idea!)

But today was different. G knows I have been looking for the Johnny the Homicidal Maniac comic books for a while, and HE FREAKING BOUGHT THEM FOR ME. Do you know how epic that is? Seriously dude, if there's anything you want I'll do everything in my power to get it for you, even if that means going to the moon and bringing you back a moon rock or something.

And even sweeter than that is the fact that the whole reason he got me the present was because he knows how difficult May is for me. G, you're amazing, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. And if they do, then they'll have to answer to me!

Cinco de Mayo

Today, being Cinco de Mayo, meant two things at work. One, it was Comedy Sombrero Time, and two, CHIPOTLE FOR LUNCH!

About ten years ago, my boss went to Cozumel with his wife for their honeymoon, and while he was there, he bought a gigantic sombrero for the heck of it. It's about five feet wide, although it's got a normal sized place for your head. So today, it was Comedy Sombrero Time. We had a rock-paper-scissors tournament to see who had to wear it all day, and not surprisingly I lost. So I had to go about my work wearing a giant hat on my head, and trust me, it's a lot harder than it looks. The damn thing weighs about five pounds, which doesn't seem like much, until you put it on your head. Then it starts to feel like it's 5000 pounds. And I also learned the hard way- the hat does not fit under the desk, especially if you're wearing it.

But I accepted my defeat and wore that sombrero with pride. After all, come Halloween we all have to wear costumes to work, and invariably G ends up looking like a fool since he waits until the last minute to get his costume. So I accept my sombrero fate, knowing that this October we might have a reenactment of Toilet Paper Mummy.

But enough about the hat. Today, the boss got us all Chipotle for lunch, and we didn't have to pay a thing. He's so nice when does things like that... he technically doesn't have to give us anything except our paychecks, but he was kind enough to get us a special lunch today. Mr. Boss, I <3 you in a platonic manner.

How To Traumatize Your (Straight Male) Coworkers

1.Find computer with several gigabytes of yaoi on it.
2.Tell coworker, “hey, I've never seen a virus like this one before- have you?”
3.????
4.PROFIT!

Oh my god, I don't think I've ever laughed that much in my life. I guess I should start from the beginning. Today a college girl came in and asked me to de-virus her computer, but she was very insistent that I be the one to do it. She didn't want G to touch it at all. I thought maybe she had embarrassing images of herself that she had taken for a boyfriend or something, so I agreed and told her to pick it up in an hour and a half. She left, and I got to work.

While I was scanning for viruses, I found her, uh, “special time collection.”For those of you who don't know what yaoi is, it's basically pornographic drawings/animations of gay males. Now I've seen a lot of it in my life (you see a lot of crazy stuff in my line of work), and I've become inured to this type of stuff. Seriously, you just stop caring after a while, and it becomes more of, “Oh, another sick fuck with horse porn on his PC... well, better switch out the network card.” But today, I was in a particularly lulzy mood and can stomach yaoi pretty easily (some of it is quite well drawn), so I decided to torture G.

Z: Hey, G, this is a really weird virus. I've never seen anything like it.
G: Are you sure it's a virus?
Z: Pretty sure. Can you take a look?
*G comes over to see what I was talking about and gets an eyeful*
G: ZETSUBOU, YOU BITCH!
Z: *laughs hysterically*
G: You bitch! You're horrible! How do you sleep at night, knowing you're more corrupted than a bad batch file? (Yes, he seriously said this. He likes to make bad computer references)
Z: *laughs even harder*

At this point, R came back from his lunch break and saw what was going on. It was probably a bit bizarre to be honest- at this point I was practically falling out of the chair from laughing so hard, and G's face had started to look a bit like a tomato from embarrassment. So he decides to check it out too, resulting in more lulz.

R: Zetsubou, what the hell is going on? Are you alright?
Z: Ahahahahahahaha... computer...virus.... WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
R: Computer virus? Since when do you think computer viruses are funny?
Z: hehehe, take a look and see! It's really great!
G: For god's sake R, don't do it!
R: *ignores G and looks at the screen* You're terrible, Zetsubou.

He just shook his head and walked away, resulting in me laughing even harder. Eventually we got the viruses off.
...I'm a terrible person. And I love it!

to G and R- love you guys, and sorry. Oh well, you'll get over it, and I'll send you guys some extra-strength brain bleach (read: vodka) on Saturday.

IT Night Out

Last night, G, R, and I decided to go check out the new iPad. We went to the local Apple store, stood in line for about two hours, and then we got to hold it. That sounds so stupid when I type it out, but considering how long we waited to just see the darn thing I think that a bit of hyperbole is appropriate. :)

Anyway, we got to play with it for a while, then we had to hand it off to the next person. It was kind of fun, but really, it was basically a giant iPod. Very amusing, and rather fun, but I don't think it can really justify the $500 base price tag. Although R fell in love with it. I fully expect him to come to work tomorrow with one tucked into his computer bag.

After we saw the iPad, we went to Olive Garden for dinner. Personally, I don't like Italian food very much, but I was out-voted. Although I was surprised- this restaurant had food I could actually eat. The tomato-marinara pasta with Parmesan cheese was rather good. Still, I would have preferred to get Japanese or Indian food, or at least something spicier. Oh well. Next time we go out I don't care what it takes- we're getting something spicier.

Eating out with those two is always an adventure. G has a kind of stupid habit of making little houses and stuff out of the sugar packets, and R started a condiment war. If his wife could have seen him, she probably would have filed for divorce right away, since he amused himself by chucking sugar packets at G's sugar packet house to try to knock it down. It was like the middle school lunch table all over again, although I do have to admit that it was funny. At least they managed to keep their sugar-packet fight on a relatively small scale, so they didn't disturb anyone else.

After dinner, we went ice skating. I'm terrible at it, but not as bad as R. He actually crashed into me and we ended up in a tech-support worker pile. It actually hurt pretty badly, considering that I cut myself with the skate blade when I fell. I don't think we'll be repeating that part of our night out again, although we might try something similar again soon, since we all had so much fun.

Our New Helper

R's daughter's elementary school is on break this week, and since Mrs. R works for the postal service, she can't look after her, so R's brought her to work the past few days. She's hilarious, and really very helpful. She likes to see inside of the computers, so we all let her have a look when we're installing new hardware. G even let her install updates on someone's PC, which she found absolutely awesome.

Surprisingly she's very well behaved. She will watch us work for a while, and if she gets bored she'll go watch her Danny Phantom DVDs in the break-room. G was apprehensive about the whole situation at first, because kids can be rather unruly, but this one is very well-behaved, even if she did eat all my salsa. Even that was rather impressive- I eat only the spiciest salsa there is, and none of my coworkers can handle it, but R's daughter ate it like it was made of chocolate. Now I have to go buy more, since someone else will eat it now!

Carpe Noctem: Seize the Night

For some reason, I always function better at night than I do during the day. I am extremely sensitive to sunlight, and I can't see well in the sunlight, and years of hunching over a computer in the dark further conditioned me to be acclimated to the night rather than the day. And days I don't go to work I go to bed around 6:00 AM and wake up around 6:00 PM. It used to drive my dad insane- he used to ask me, "What are you, Zetsubou, an owl?" And then he'd proceed to tell me that normal girls didn't sleep all day and stay up all night working on computers.

Another thing: when I'm awake in the day, I get hungry. When I'm awake at night, I don't. It's a great source of amusement for my coworkers when I come back from break having bought half of the Starbucks. But then when we have employee parties at night, I never eat anything.

For some reason, night lends a strange power to my ability to code. When I'm working on programs, I work at night, and things get done about a million times faster and more accurately than when I work during the day. Actually, I think it creeps some people out- is Zetsubou a vampire? A werewolf? Baba Yaga? (Actually, I used to be told the Baba Yaga story on a regular basis- it was how my great-grandmother kept me in line). But that's a story for another time. Maybe one day I'll do a post on the stories I was told as as child.

Anyway, my point in making this post is- try to seize the night yourself one day. See what you can get done, and how much nicer it is to think in the dark rather than than in the bright, harsh sunlight.

Angry Customer #2423121

Today was a strange day all around. From 12:30 to 1:15 PM, we close the store down so that we can all get something to eat. Usually we just put the sign on the door that says "Sorry, we're closed! Come back at 1:15!" and that's that. Since someone is always in the shop, we rarely lock the door down.

During that 45-minute period, we like to goof off. Today, G brought in his iPod and set it up on one of the docks. We were having a bit of fun in the back room, dancing around to a silly Japanese song that literally is about an egg omelet. It's all in good fun, just something to pass some time when we're done snarfing our takeout.

Well, today, that wasn't gonna fly. All of a sudden, someone starts dinging the bell quite obnoxiously. R went out to tell the customer that we were closed right now, but if it was emergency we'd be happy to help. The woman just snarled at him that she was going to tell the boss about our lack of professionalism. Well, lady, first off, the boss knows what we do. He doesn't give a flying foot what we do during our lunch breaks. You can feel free to complain to him, but he's not going to do anything. Second, you shouldn't have been in the store in the first place. Maybe you can't read English with your teeny little brain, but the sign clearly said that we were closed. Partially the fault lies with us for not bothering to lock the door, but still, the sign was perfectly clear: tech support is closed. Come back later.

So G and I were just lurking in the back listen to that woman complain. Yes, because having a short break is absolutely horrible. *rolls eyes*

Computer Closet Playlist

I listen to these songs when I'm at work. Although I have to say- my boss doesn't care if we listen to music (in fact, he encourages it to drown out other noise when we need to concentrate), but not all people appreciate it. I've had customers complain to me about it before, but I don't really care. Besides, if they're close enough to my workspace to hear the songs coming from my computer they really need to step back. Also, not all bosses encourage listening to music at work, so unless you're certain your boss won't care, don't do it.


Ring of Fire- Johnny Cash


Funhouse- Pink


All I Ever Wanted- Basshunter


My Heart Goes Nana- Millennium


Russian Lullaby- Toy-Box


Strut- Adam Lambert


Imma Be- Black Eyed Peas (this one might not be acceptable to listen to in all workplaces. I only play it after the shop is closed but I'm still working.)


Consti2tion- Alien Ant Farm


Holly Dolly Song- DJ Satomi/Pure Dust


Super Honeymoon- Owl City


Obviously I listen to a lot more music than just this, but lately these songs have been my favorites. I'll probably do this again with some other songs later in time.

Interesting files

One of the fun things about working tech support is getting to see all of the weird things people have downloaded on to their computers. Why am I bringing this up now? I don't even work on Sundays! Well, a friend of mine called me and told me that he'd bought a computer at a Goodwill store, and whoever had it before forgot to wipe the hard-drive. Thankfully, there was nothing really bad on there- just about a million saved articles about Katie Price (a British celebrity) and some essays that looked like they were written for a high school government class.

While that particular hard drive was full of pretty innocuous items, others I've come across were not so harmless. Once, someone came to me in a panic because their laptop was full of viruses and they had to turn in a term paper the next day. I took a look at it, and apparently this person had been downloading everything they came across on the Internet. Their computer was full of online video game free trials, weird little desktop gadgets (I personally despise those things, so I've never understood people who download them), Youtube videos they'd downloaded with a converter, and all sorts of other little innocuous-looking things. The problem is, the sites you can get all of that stuff off of are full of viruses. No wonder this person had a problem...

One of the more bizarre things I've ever seen was the former library circulation desk computer that needed a tune-up. The person brought it in, and in a fit of boredom I decided to go see what they had on the hard drive. Big mistake. Someone had installed a hentai game, which makes me wonder exactly what kind of library this PC was from... I'm not sure I really want to know about that one.

Although I probably have to say that my favorite case was the time I had to explain to a customer that Compaq was not a version of Windows. Normally, I wouldn't mind, or even notice. The thing that made me take notice was that when I explained to this lady that Compaq was a make of computer, and not an operating system, she got extremely angry with me and started threatening to call the manager on me for not doing my job. I finally told her to do so, my manager came over, heard the story, and promptly started laughing like a loon on loony tablets. The woman was so offended that she stormed out threatening to never come back. Three weeks later? She was back with another computer problem.

I'm not sharing these stories to sound like a bad person. Most of the people I end up working with are very nice people, but occasionally I get the random nutter. It happens to the best of us, I think. We've all dealt with that person at the grocery store, electronics store, religious institution, government bureaucracy, shopping district, etc that just... fails.